The Indian marriage system.

Indian marriages are all about show off and wastage of money. People spend millions of rupees on marriages. Marriages in India are like a business where very little importance is given to love. People here expect you to fall in love after getting married. In India, arranged marriages are more prevalent than love marriages. There are many cultures prevailing in India some of which even forbid love marriages. According to research by Statistic Brain Research Institute, around 90 per cent of the marriages across India are arranged. If you go for love marriage, you’re judged by people and labelled as shameless and characterless.

I’ll give just an outlook of how marriages are arranged in a few cultures in India especially by the family of a girl.
The family firstly searches for an eligible bachelor or appoints people to search for an eligible bachelor for their daughter. Also by eligible I mean a person who earns good, is respected by society, has a good family background and obviously looks good. I’ve just prioritized the traits according to the Indian families. They don’t even ask the girl about the kind of partner she wants to spend her life with. They search for a guy according to their own specifications. After that, they look at his pictures, judge him according to his looks, ask about how much he earns and take out a thorough investigation of his family background as if they’re FBI or something. If they get satisfied with all this then they meet the family members of the boy to know more about them. And then, when they’re on the verge of finalizing things, they meet the boy. After that, they give the girl and boy a few minutes to talk alone and then ask them if they’re ready to get married to each other. Just imagine two people who barely know each other are now going to get married.

Parents here think that because they’re older and they’ve seen the world, they exactly know what is good for their children. They think that they know who would be the perfect partner for their children way better than their children themselves.

Sometimes girls even compromise with so many things just to get married to a stranger. They compromise with their career, change their personality, the way they dress up and so much more. All they tell a girl is that they’ve to adjust and compromise after marriage and to me, this sentence makes no sense. Sometimes both the partners are left with no choice but to make themselves fall in love with each other due to family pressure. I do respect the concern of parents regarding their children but just so you know, parents aren’t correct always. I’ve seen arranged marriages failing too.

The Dowry System.

The dowry system has its roots in India since medieval times. Under the dowry system gifts, cash, jewellery, property etc are given by the family of the bride to the groom’s family. Sometimes, after marriage when the bride’s family is not able to fulfil the demands of the groom or his family, the bride’s in-laws even torture her, kill her or drive her to commit suicide. Dowry violence is prevalent in India. The growth of greed by the groom’s family results in the physical, sexual and mental violence against the bride. According to the National Crime Records Bureau, 7,634 women died in 2015 – 20 every day – due to dowry harassment. They were either murdered or left compelled to take their own lives. Seeking a dowry has been outlawed in India since 1961 but families still expect them. It is rarely reported as a crime and many families still give and take dowries without even objecting.

It’s weird, but I do have a phobia of arranged marriages. Thinking about all this makes me restless and anxious. Thinking about marrying someone I don’t even know makes me feel uncomfortable and uneasy. I’ve seen people around me who’ve been married for 20 to 30 years or more. Some of the people married are so different from each other and don’t even seem to be compatible but still, they’re married and love each other. And the reason for this is that at their time they were left with no other option but to love each other. They never opposed but agreed silently. So many women at that time killed their dreams and desires because their family got them married and all they were left with was managing household and bringing up children. Unfortunately, few women are still doing it till date.

I might not be completely correct about all this but don’t we learn and acquire from what we see happening in our surroundings?

Published by Shivani Gupta

Feeling. Writing. Healing.🌸❀

164 thoughts on “The Indian marriage system.

  1. True that. Arrange marriages are more like gambling, where one can only pray for a good outcome. It gets worse when the whole expense of the ‘big fat Indian wedding’ is paid by one party, whereas it takes two to tango.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Depends how you see the world but I feel Arrange marriage are much more better and the stats for decades are good to prove the fact. Number of divorce cases are very low in case of arrange marriages and reason is right set of expectation in correct mindset to contribute, divote and little bit of social pressure keep the things moving for life life. Couples once adjusted then start liking each other. Obviously exceptions are either way but I am more talking about general stats in India

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I may agree with the stats but I don’t agree with your statement that a little bit social pressure keep the things moving and couples once adjusted start liking each other. I don’t think there’s any place for social pressure. Aren’t we all trying to make the society realise that pressurising about anything is something we need to overcome now? It’s the 21st century, get over the social pressure thing.
      Talking about adjustments, I’ve seen couples living the same life together that they used to live before getting married so it is actually possible if people are compatible with each other.


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  4. Powerful and insightful. I recently wrote a blog article about marriage. The institution of marriage has evolved over the year. In the beginning, it was purely designed to promote the survival and economic prosperity of both families. During the Victorian era, romantic love became viewed as the primary requirement for marriage and couples spent a huge amount of time and energy in the rituals of courting and finding romantic ways to express their love, affection, and loyalty to their chosen ones. In this modern era, the institution of marriage is evolving into a third stage, also known as the self-expressive marriage. Nowadays, marriage revolves around self-expression, we seek not just love but mutual personal growth. We want partners who are able and willing to help us explore our feelings and our identity, partners who can help us bring out our most authentic selves. Feel free to check my article –


  5. Indian marriages are an expensive affair. It’s more of a status show rather than the rituals and values that come along. This probably is a key reason that divorces are such a taboo and stigma. Because a majority of marriages are based on extravaganza that’s far from reality. Your honeymoon in Iceland lasts for 7-10 days. The reality stings when you come back to an orthodox system layered in debts and loans. That’s when the bubble bursts. I have a similar piece of divorces which you mind wanna read :

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Nice topic you chose to write dear Sivani.. you can also add ‘why poorer people remain poorer as they spend their all life time savings in these ceremonious process in the name of marriage.’ you can also add how keen they are in researching about groom family and their ancestors like who and all married from where and all, is there any traces of other caste marriage? etc rather than looking into guys behaviour of their families values and all.. well written..

    Liked by 2 people

    1. This is a vast topic. Indian families are better than professional detectives when it comes to marriages. They just keep on digging deeper into each other’s families and try to find relations that make no sense at all.
      Thank you.


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