Come back to your home.

For how long will you wander around
trying to find peace in other people?
It’s been long, come back home to me now.
You search for a home by drawing maps
on women’s skin trying to find a place
where you can live,
You go to their arms,
sleep in them trying to soothe your soul,
You present them your broken heart
thinking they can rebuild it again
and make it whole,
But they barely care
about your good heart anymore.
They do try to build it
but for their own sake.
They make you vulnerable to love
and then leave breaking your heart a bit more,
taking you a little further away from your home.
Little by little,
brick by brick,
they shatter your heart
again and again and again.
You see,
the world isn’t as good as you used to think.
It isn’t as good as you said when you left me,
when you left your home.
I’m here and still waiting,
your place in my heart is still vacant.
I won’t let anyone come in here
because it’s your place.
You do not need to wander anymore.
Stop roaming around to fulfil
your desperate need of love.
Come to me, dwell in my arms,
live in my heart.
I’m waiting.
Come back to your home.

Some wounds don’t heal with time.

“Wounds don’t heal with time,” I told myself as I walked through my past once again. Why is it so that every time we try to get away from something, it follows us? Why are we reminded of the same old scars time and again?

No matter how hard we try to let go of certain things, the universe collides us with them. The old wounds which I buried deep inside of me months ago felt fresh again today. Why do you still wear the watch I gifted you? Why didn’t you just break it or throw it away just the way you did with my heart? I saw you trying to hide it from me. What are you so afraid of?

You brushed past me as if you don’t even know me. Just mere eye contact and you walked away like a stranger. Did I not make any impact in your life in these three years, the time when you used to admit that you loved me. But why did you turn around again to see me? Why were your eyes filled with tears which you tried to hide from me?

I believe that these questions will also remain unanswered just like various others which eat me up every single day. Didn’t I deserve an answer? Didn’t you owe me an explanation for everything? Why did you leave me in a dilemma?

You never healed my wounds but clawed upon them which hurt and made them visible to everyone. Today, you freshened them and made me weak again. Today, you left me unanswered again

Let’s talk about Anxiety

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a mental health disorder. It’s a natural response of your body to stress that affects daily activities. It’s normal to feel anxious but when anxiety escalates and interferes with your daily activities, you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder and it needs to be treated as soon as possible.

Types of anxiety disorders.

Panic disorder
Panic disorders result in panic attacks due to sudden, recurring and intense feeling of fear. They’re accompanied by physical symptoms like chest pain, accelerated heartbeat, body shivers, heat waves etc.

Social anxiety disorder
Social anxiety disorder or social phobia is characterized by the fear of feeling embarrassed, criticized or excessive self-consciousness while socializing.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder
OCD is characterized by repetitive or recurrent behaviour like washing, cleaning, dusting, counting or checking. It involves repetitive behaviours to avoid feelings of anxiety.

Post-traumatic stress disorder
PTSD develops after a person is exposed to some terrifying or threatening event in which their life was threatened or they were hurt. it can be triggered due to assaults, murder, natural or man-made disasters or accidents.

Generalised anxiety disorder
It is characterised by excessive worry, exaggerated tension and chronic anxiety and is directly related to overthinking about little things that may or may not affect you.

Symptoms of anxiety.

Physical symptoms
•Shortness of breath
•Accelerated heartbeat
•Sweating
•Heatwaves
•Stomach issues
•Dizziness
•Body pain
•Shaking or trembling

Mental symptoms
•Overthinking
•Feeling of fear
•Difficulty concentrating
•Racing thoughts

How to relieve anxiety?

Anxiety disorders may not stay with you life long if treated correctly. It can be managed and dealt with.

•Take proper medications
•Go for therapy sessions
•Don’t let your fear dominate you
•Go for Psychotherapy
•Get better sleep
•Eat right and exercise
•Try meditation and breathing exercises
•Socialize with people

Busting the mental illness myths.

1) Mental health problems are not so common

It is found that 1 in 4 people have a mental health condition. One of the most common mental health problems is depression followed by anxiety issues. During the pandemic, the number of people experiencing depression has tripled.

2) Mental health illness does not affect the physical health

Mental health problems do affect physical health and vice versa. Symptoms may differ for different mental health problems. For instance, a person may experience sudden heat waves, cold feet, sweating, fever, racing heartbeat, shivers, breathlessness, tightened chest, tense muscle, headache, stomach issues etc. So, it is important to treat mental health problems rightly as they may lead to severe physical health conditions.

3) Mental health problems are permanent and lifelong

Mental health problems don’t stick with you forever. With the right care and medication, you can fight it. For some people, mental illness can recur throughout their life but for some, it can be cured completely and they can live their life to the fullest.

4) People with mental illness are always sad and pessimistic

People dealing with a mental health problem can look as happy as a normal person, work with all their potential and socialize with people. There’s no specific way to identify a person struggling with a mental health problem. Some people may have episodes of sadness and may feel down but they aren’t always sad or pessimistic.

5) Anxiety isn’t a real illness

Being anxious and worried is common for everyone. For instance, you may go to a job interview or appear for an exam and your hands or legs may tremble because of being anxious or nervous. So that is very common because we experience it almost daily. But when anxiety escalates, it is a serious condition and may lead to anxiety attacks too. Severe anxiety may show physical symptoms like stomach issues, racing heartbeat, tightened chest, body shivers etc. Anxiety disorders can be greatly distressing and unsettling.

6) Medication is the only way to cure anxiety and depression.

Medications are a part of the treatment for anxiety and depression. Different mental illness requires different treatments some of which are therapy, cognitive behavioural exercise, meditation, relaxation techniques etc.

Monday motivation.

You tried, you tried your best to be self enough, to gain strength, to make your heart stronger and honestly, you even got better. But then there always comes a day when you break down. You would just lay on the bed at 2 a.m. thinking about what went wrong and why were you never enough. You’d doubt and question yourself if there’s something wrong with me. Nothing would seem right at that moment.

Suddenly all the strength that you put for days to better yourself and make yourself stronger would go to waste and you would find yourself standing at the same place where you started from. Your heart would become heavy and tears would rush down your cheeks. The shower of tears wouldn’t stop until you force yourself to sleep.

You know, there will be days when everything will fall just like a tree shedding its leaves in autumn. You will break down. Your hope, your strength everything will break and you’ll lose it all but just remember that it will never be the end.

Every time I lost it all, I started all over again. I would ask myself to buck up and make all my dreams come true. I would remind myself that I may not be perfect but I’m enough for myself and so should you.

Everyone has flaws. Embrace them. You are enough. Don’t unnecessarily pressurize yourself. Give yourself a tight hug and move on. You never know what the future holds for you. This is life and it will be over just in a blink of an eye.

India and pandemic.

The world knows how bad are the conditions in India due to the second wave of the pandemic. Today India reported 3.6 lakh cases. On Tuesday it reported over 3000 deaths. The crematoriums are flooded with dead bodies and people have to wait for their turn to get their loved ones cremated. People don’t even get to see their loved ones, talk to them or bid a final goodbye to them for one last time. I get to hear some or the other relative dying every day and it breaks my heart a little every time I hear people dying. Every second house has someone who is tested positive. Some of my family members tested positive too. Everything is collapsing in India be it the people, the Government or the healthcare system.

Source- theguardian.com

We are lacking basic medical needs like oxygen, hospital beds, ambulances, medicines etc. What can be worse for a country than its people dying due to the lack of oxygen and ventilators? Who should we blame now? Everyone is responsible for it be it the common man or the government.

People are still not taking it seriously. We are in a situation when we have to double mask ourselves but some people find it difficult to put on just one mask. They are responsible for their lives but they don’t take it seriously. They can’t stay home for a few days and cannot stop themselves from celebrating festivals and marriages. Even at this point, people are black marketing the essential supplies. I don’t know if they even have a heart or are pure evil. Some people are trying to help day and night and some are using the circumstances as an opportunity to make money.

Talking of the Government, we are losing hopes from them. The government allowed the Kumbh Mela to take place where 28 lakh people gathered in a single day and our Prime Minister called the event ‘symbolic’. In Uttar Pradesh, FIR is being filed against people asking for oxygen on social media platforms. The Election Commission allowed rallies to take place for elections. The dumb people came out to take part in the rallies and the ministers didn’t think for a second to make speeches in public places with gatherings. They did not remember any rules or protocols at all. But the EC did suspend rallies later on but it was too late until then. Now every second person in Kolkata is testing positive.
It has been quite a few days now yet people are struggling to get oxygen. People are dying begging for oxygen. 20 people died in 48 hours due to the lack of oxygen. Innocent souls are dying and there is nothing we can do.

But we are thankful for all the countries helping us in this hour of need (Saudi Arabia, USA, Pakistan, Singapore, UK, China etc.) We can’t say enough thanks to the doctors who are working day and night and staying away from their families to save the lives of people. Hope we heal soon and come out of this pandemic which is much worse than a disaster. We are in this together and we will make it through.

We’ve been born in a time..

We’ve been born in a time
where heartbreaks are fancied
and true love seems like a myth,
poems of betrayal and heartbreaks are admired
over the poems of love and nature,
the celebrity news catches our attention more often
then the real issues ever do,
feminism is being used by some to play the victim card,
mental health has become just a topic for social media,
and we still take anxiety lightly,
religion and caste have become a reason for the deaths of people
and the world is fighting over it now.
the agony against rape surges up for a while just when a woman dies otherwise it’s just a matter of time,
men are treated ignorantly by society
and women are still fighting for freedom, rights and equality,
society still values norms and rules more than people’s lives,
suicides, honour killings, depression, and rapes are just an outcome of abiding by these meaningless norms that have been standardized.
I’ve been born in a world that only knows about different ways of destruction
and negligible ways of healing.
For them, destruction is a part of their daily lives.

Poem: I want to tell my parents.

Sometimes I want to tell my parents
about how life hit me hard
at an age as young as 21,
how I got my heart broken
not just once,
not just twice
but innumerable times.
I want to tell them
how lonely I feel at times,
how I spend my sleepless nights crying
until my eyes swell up
and close unknowingly
without even trying.
I want to tell them
about all those people
who betrayed me,
about the friend
who used me,
about the guy
who broke me.
I want to tell them
about the stranger
who rubbed his hand
against my shoulder,
looked at me like a predator,
held my waist
in a crowded place
so that I won’t be
able to recognize his face.
I want to tell them
about how badly I crave
peace of heart
and peace of mind,
how my head explodes
with unbearable thoughts
and lead to severe headaches every night,
how I feel abandoned
and believe that no one is mine.
I want to tell them
about my anxiety and triggers,
how little things would
make my heartbeat race,
body heat and lead to shivers,
how I feel a knot in my throat
when I try to speak while crying,
how I face all the criticisms
but I’m still trying.
I want to tell them
how I wish that I could
pour out my heart in front of them
but I fear that they
won’t ever understand,
I fear that I won’t be their
flawless child anymore.
I wish I could tell them
that I’m not the perfect child,
I’m scarred to my heart
and broke to my soul.
I’m flawed in ways
they don’t even know
because with their child,
the world was never kind.

The stars

What if the stars in the sky above
see us every night
and mumble to each other about us?
What if they look down at broken us
and think of helping us heal?
What if they just see us broken, hurt,
discouraged, devastated, crying
and then they break themselves
and fall so that we can make a wish, believe in hope and the power of the universe?
What if they are destined to fall for us
so that we can stand again?

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