The world knows how bad are the conditions in India due to the second wave of the pandemic. Today India reported 3.6 lakh cases. On Tuesday it reported over 3000 deaths. The crematoriums are flooded with dead bodies and people have to wait for their turn to get their loved ones cremated. People don’t even get to see their loved ones, talk to them or bid a final goodbye to them for one last time. I get to hear some or the other relative dying every day and it breaks my heart a little every time I hear people dying. Every second house has someone who is tested positive. Some of my family members tested positive too. Everything is collapsing in India be it the people, the Government or the healthcare system.
We are lacking basic medical needs like oxygen, hospital beds, ambulances, medicines etc. What can be worse for a country than its people dying due to the lack of oxygen and ventilators? Who should we blame now? Everyone is responsible for it be it the common man or the government.
People are still not taking it seriously. We are in a situation when we have to double mask ourselves but some people find it difficult to put on just one mask. They are responsible for their lives but they don’t take it seriously. They can’t stay home for a few days and cannot stop themselves from celebrating festivals and marriages. Even at this point, people are black marketing the essential supplies. I don’t know if they even have a heart or are pure evil. Some people are trying to help day and night and some are using the circumstances as an opportunity to make money.
Talking of the Government, we are losing hopes from them. The government allowed the Kumbh Mela to take place where 28 lakh people gathered in a single day and our Prime Minister called the event ‘symbolic’. In Uttar Pradesh, FIR is being filed against people asking for oxygen on social media platforms. The Election Commission allowed rallies to take place for elections. The dumb people came out to take part in the rallies and the ministers didn’t think for a second to make speeches in public places with gatherings. They did not remember any rules or protocols at all. But the EC did suspend rallies later on but it was too late until then. Now every second person in Kolkata is testing positive. It has been quite a few days now yet people are struggling to get oxygen. People are dying begging for oxygen. 20 people died in 48 hours due to the lack of oxygen. Innocent souls are dying and there is nothing we can do.
But we are thankful for all the countries helping us in this hour of need (Saudi Arabia, USA, Pakistan, Singapore, UK, China etc.) We can’t say enough thanks to the doctors who are working day and night and staying away from their families to save the lives of people. Hope we heal soon and come out of this pandemic which is much worse than a disaster. We are in this together and we will make it through.
We’ve been born in a time where heartbreaks are fancied and true love seems like a myth, poems of betrayal and heartbreaks are admired over the poems of love and nature, the celebrity news catches our attention more often then the real issues ever do, feminism is being used by some to play the victim card, mental health has become just a topic for social media, and we still take anxiety lightly, religion and caste have become a reason for the deaths of people and the world is fighting over it now. the agony against rape surges up for a while just when a woman dies otherwise it’s just a matter of time, men are treated ignorantly by society and women are still fighting for freedom, rights and equality, society still values norms and rules more than people’s lives, suicides, honour killings, depression, and rapes are just an outcome of abiding by these meaningless norms that have been standardized. I’ve been born in a world that only knows about different ways of destruction and negligible ways of healing. For them, destruction is a part of their daily lives.
Sometimes I want to tell my parents about how life hit me hard at an age as young as 21, how I got my heart broken not just once, not just twice but innumerable times. I want to tell them how lonely I feel at times, how I spend my sleepless nights crying until my eyes swell up and close unknowingly without even trying. I want to tell them about all those people who betrayed me, about the friend who used me, about the guy who broke me. I want to tell them about the stranger who rubbed his hand against my shoulder, looked at me like a predator, held my waist in a crowded place so that I won’t be able to recognize his face. I want to tell them about how badly I crave peace of heart and peace of mind, how my head explodes with unbearable thoughts and lead to severe headaches every night, how I feel abandoned and believe that no one is mine. I want to tell them about my anxiety and triggers, how little things would make my heartbeat race, body heat and lead to shivers, how I feel a knot in my throat when I try to speak while crying, how I face all the criticisms but I’m still trying. I want to tell them how I wish that I could pour out my heart in front of them but I fear that they won’t ever understand, I fear that I won’t be their flawless child anymore. I wish I could tell them that I’m not the perfect child, I’m scarred to my heart and broke to my soul. I’m flawed in ways they don’t even know because with their child, the world was never kind.
What if the stars in the sky above see us every night and mumble to each other about us? What if they look down at broken us and think of helping us heal? What if they just see us broken, hurt, discouraged, devastated, crying and then they break themselves and fall so that we can make a wish, believe in hope and the power of the universe? What if they are destined to fall for us so that we can stand again?
It was not the time to. It was not the time to let go of me so soon. Maybe it seems too soon to me but too late to you. I just want to know how did you forget the love you wanted to last forever, how did you let go of the girl you planned a future with?
Was it easy to end the 3-year-old love and move on? How did you do that? Because I’m stuck. I’m stuck in a spiral. Every time I take a step forward, I come back to the same place, I started from. But you, you took a step forward and not even for once looked back. You did not look back at the disaster you left me with.
All this letting go and moving on isn’t something I am capable of. I fear I’ll never be able to get over you. I fear that a part of you will always stay with me. I’m hurt to the core. Seeing you with someone else and doing everything with her that you dreamt of doing with me makes my heart pain and my soul scream.
I know, promises were broken, misunderstandings crept in, fights became a part of our routine, love came to an end but we never ended in bad terms then how did everything get bad as soon as you moved on. Why do you not want to face me anymore? Do you fear my questions or do you feel guilty of not keeping your words?
You took so much from me. You took away the most important person from me, you took away my dreams, my aspirations and myself. I just felt lost every time. You made me feel so lonely that I was bound to stay in a room for days.
I’m not grateful to you for almost everything. I feel that you’re a cursed year. What good did you bring to the world? Nothing. Nothing was right. Not a single person lived without any problem but yet we survived you, we went through you.
I’ve so many complains from you. Why did you take away my love from me? Why did you leave me with this anxiety which isn’t ready to leave me now? Why did you take away my dreams? You just made me waste a year of my life. I could’ve done so much but I wasn’t able to.
I’m happy that you’re getting over soon and I’m getting out of you but this time with no expectations, hopes and resolutions. I’m just going with the flow now to make myself and my life better without expecting anything from anyone. It’s hard but I’ll get through it all just the way I got through you.
It was a new morning but everything seemed different. The darkness faded away with the night but not from my life. I stood in front of the mirror draping a saree, wearing bangles and applying a bindi and sindoor. Like a newlywed bride, was what I was expected to look like today. A modest smile to adorn my face and a pinch of shyness.
“Is this what I want?” I questioned myself. The wedding was over, the night came to an end and a new dawn rose. But today I did not feel myself anymore. It was a different woman that I saw in the mirror. Today, the morning did not bring happiness and hope on my face. My freedom and independence were snatched away as I found myself in marriage.
“Do I love him?” I asked my heart. It did not reply, neither did it say a yes nor a no. Then I knew, I was not made to be here. I’m just 23, I had a lot of time to explore myself, to explore the world and to start new beginnings every day. But this was not the kind of new beginning I ever dreamt about. This phase was not in my plans. I’m worth much more than just cooking, cleaning and keeping someone I don’t even love happy.
“How did I turn out to be like this?” From an independent woman who always took a stand for herself to being confined within the four walls of the house how did my journey come to an end this way? My journey was not supposed to end. I’ve always been ambitious, I had dreams to fulfil. I had wings to fly in the vast sky which have been cut down by someone I don’t even know well.
I did not just cage myself but also caged my heart and mind from expressing itself to anyone. I caged my happiness, ambitions and dreams for others happiness.
I checked the calendar. 28th June, it showed. 3 years back, this day became the best day of my life. But today, instead of holding onto you, I’m holding onto your memories.
I peeped through the window and it seemed as if even the sky was crying looking at my fate. The morning which should’ve been brighter than the sunshine felt gloomy. I went out, drenching myself in the rain with your flashbacks popping up in my mind and feeling excruciating pain in my heart.
I walked and walked until I reached your favourite restaurant. “Two cappuccinos topped with whipped cream and chocolate sauce?” the waiter asked. “Just one today.”
Things change with time and people change too. At the end of the day, I no more go to a home now, I go to a house, an empty house which just triggers the void in me. At the end of the day, I don’t have anyone in front of whom I can lighten my heavy heart. You see, this is how being alone feels like. It sucks.
I walked back into nothingness. As I opened the door of my house, the spaces left in my heart were hit hard by the void. It felt as if I didn’t open the door to my house but to the emptiness which has made a place in me.
He performed namaz five times a day and she was a follower of Lord Krishna, the god of love. They believed in their religions but in humanity was what they believed more in. Their eyes matched and hearts pondered. Her eyes reminded him of the shine of the crescent moon that showed up at the night of eid. His voice reminded her of the melody of Lord Krishna’s flute.
Love was growing inside their hearts as it sees no religion, culture, status or caste. They found their comfort and home in each other irrespective of all the differences. They respected each other’s choices and loved with all their honesty and heart. With time, their love grew and they became inseparable.
But the world did not acknowledge their love and they were separated from each other. The detached souls couldn’t convince to let their love survive because, for people, humanity and love come after religion, culture and society. People got so engrossed in protecting their religion and image that they made the world’s biggest mistake.
Their daggers had the power to end the beautiful souls but not the power to end their love. A father’s hand didn’t shiver while killing his daughter, a brother’s eyes didn’t shed a tear while letting his sister die and a mother couldn’t gather the courage to protect her daughter. And once again, the world proved that humanity is dead.
With it ended another story of love, a love which could have lasted forever. With it, the world proved it has the power to end the purity of love and society proved that dignity and the social image is more important than humanity. But some stories don’t end so soon. Their love became eternal just like the love of Radha and Krishna.
A father couldn’t get a last glance of his daughter, A mother couldn’t kiss her daughter for the last time and bid her adieu And a brother couldn’t hold his sister’s hand for the last time and promise her to get the perverts who brutally raped her punished. She was cremated and burnt down into ashes in the dusk of the night by the law. Once again, we failed as a nation. Today, once again, we failed as humans and even humanity bowed down in shame.