An open letter to my Anxiety.

Dear anxiety,

I was a happy-go-lucky girl before you showed up in my life. I used to be carefree, happy and enjoyed every moment of my life. I look back now and think that I was so much different a year ago when you were not a part of me. Everything was beautiful back then when you did not walk everywhere along with me. But now you’re a burden on my shoulder I’m trying to get rid of.

You along with your friend depression did not only make me mentally weak but physically too. You make my heart feel heavy even at the tiniest of inconvenience. Every little thing makes me worry and overthink because of you. You are like an uninvited guest not ready to leave.

You make my heart race at times when I wake up in the morning and it does not get back to normal until I take a shower. You make my body heat and burn as if I’m high on fever. Every little problem becomes so big due to overthinking because of you. I now worry about things that don’t even exist in the present. I worry about things that I never even used to think about before you walked into my life.

I overthink about my future and ruin my present too. You make me feel worthless. I doubt myself now. I doubt my worth, capabilities, interests and whatnot. You turned me to a quiet person from someone who would not shut her mouth up, dance around in the room singing and always smiling. You turned me from the most sorted and determined girl to the most complicated and difficult to handle girl.

How do you manage to destroy all the happy moments I want to be a part of? There are so many moments I could’ve enjoyed but I couldn’t because of you. I cut myself off from people and keep my feelings to myself thinking that no one would understand. You make me sulk in a corner and cry for hours. There’s no definite time when you hit me. You come at night or in the middle of the day, you come when I’m alone or when I’m in a room full of people. You make me shiver due to nervousness when something I don’t want to happen, happens. You make me gasp for breath when I climb stairs or run. I always feel guilty for no definite reason because of you. You are to be blamed for the way I behave now. I miss the old me.

You make me think about the memories I haven’t thought about in years. You make me go back down the memory lane from years ago and make me realize all my faults. You hit on my insecurities and make me anxious about them. I feel caged in my own thoughts and couldn’t find an escape.

Dear Anxiety, I’m tired of you now. It feels like I’m a part of you instead of you being a part of me. I don’t want you to tear me apart anymore. I’m done with you now and I will never stop trying to get rid of you.

From,

A girl tired of you.

76 thoughts on “An open letter to my Anxiety.

  1. Shivani, I hear your honesty and I know how real those feelings and emotions can be, but they are not what defines you. You think these are just words that I speak but they are not. God’s love for you surpasses anything that you can possibly comprehend and there is not one thing that you can do to earn His love because it just doesn’t work that way. It’s just the way that it is, like a mother loves her new born child. God’s expression of His love, that we can, over time, begin to understand, is Jesus, His Son. Endeavour to draw close to Him and He will draw close to you, and His peace can and will become yours and even that is a gift. It’s never really about us and it truly is, all about Jesus. Our perfection is His perfection. May God truly bless you and yours.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well expressed. This anxiety and depression problem is faced by every 4 out of 5 people in our society. Its not because of our mistakes. Its just because we think about society before thinking about ourselves. So its better keep yourself as priority than these things will never bother anyone in life time. Take care dont let those negative thoughts come in your mind. Say them entry is ban for them.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love this, I can relate as sometimes I feel trapped in my own head because of my anxiety. It’s so stressful feeling anxious all the time and not being able to fully enjoy normal things like being around friends without feeling insecure and overthinking everything.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I know how this feels, I struggled with anxiety and panic attacks some years ago. As difficult as it may seem now, don’t fight with your anxiety. Try to befriend it, see what it has to tell you…very often anxiety and depression are an alarm sign that went off because something in our life is not quite right. 🙏🏻 My very best thoughts to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You are well on the way to ‘taming the two-headed beast’. Keep writing, get a dog and love him/her and be loved. Walk/run, eat well even when you don’t want to. Write, write, write.
    Terry

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Anxiety is such a vicious circle. The only way I’ve found to get rid of it is just stop thinking negatively and making assumptions of what might happen. 3 deep breaths can also do the trick. Otherwise it sure may keep you from sleeping or even worse, sometimes you may even behave differently because you feel over-stressed. Thanks for sharing! Have a great Sunday 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Can I offer some counter intuitive advice. Maybe trying to get rid of it only gives it strength. Just sitting with and observing it. Being kind to it. Allowing it into your heart even. We wish so hard for these negative emotions to go away yet this only gives them strength. You must embrace your demons. I’ve no doubt you have the courage to do so. Lovely words and thank you for sharing them.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. You express yourself openly and beautifully. Please know that many people have anxieties, but you are doing something to put it out there and do something about it.
    Thanks so much for following Oh, the Places We See. And may your future hold some peace for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Thanks for the ‘follow’, but I am at loss trying to understand why me?
    I have checked out your blog (in all directions) and I can find absolutely no indication that you would be into photography, travels, Norway, or anything else related to my blog?
    You are welcome to browse through whenever you have time, but why should I pester you with 5-10 alert messages every week?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Found this blog on a quest to hear and related to other people’s flight on anxiety. This was beautifully composed and I think a lot will agree with me when I say you have formed the words we all long to say to our mental challenges. I hope you are doing well at this time. Just like you said, anxiety is like a visitor who we thought will stay but after year or so, managed to still squat in the living room. I’m with one of those who is tired of it, but I’ll stay on and keep on fighting it.

    Liked by 1 person

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