Poem: I want to tell my parents.

Sometimes I want to tell my parents
about how life hit me hard
at an age as young as 21,
how I got my heart broken
not just once,
not just twice
but innumerable times.
I want to tell them
how lonely I feel at times,
how I spend my sleepless nights crying
until my eyes swell up
and close unknowingly
without even trying.
I want to tell them
about all those people
who betrayed me,
about the friend
who used me,
about the guy
who broke me.
I want to tell them
about the stranger
who rubbed his hand
against my shoulder,
looked at me like a predator,
held my waist
in a crowded place
so that I won’t be
able to recognize his face.
I want to tell them
about how badly I crave
peace of heart
and peace of mind,
how my head explodes
with unbearable thoughts
and lead to severe headaches every night,
how I feel abandoned
and believe that no one is mine.
I want to tell them
about my anxiety and triggers,
how little things would
make my heartbeat race,
body heat and lead to shivers,
how I feel a knot in my throat
when I try to speak while crying,
how I face all the criticisms
but I’m still trying.
I want to tell them
how I wish that I could
pour out my heart in front of them
but I fear that they
won’t ever understand,
I fear that I won’t be their
flawless child anymore.
I wish I could tell them
that I’m not the perfect child,
I’m scarred to my heart
and broke to my soul.
I’m flawed in ways
they don’t even know
because with their child,
the world was never kind.

Published by Shivani Gupta

An opinionated girl penning down her thoughts.🌸❤

13 thoughts on “Poem: I want to tell my parents.

  1. I’m sure you’re stronger than you think,
    you are not alone, other girls like you suffer but all together you will win. It’s a matter of time.
    Don’t cry, fight. With a strong heart but, beware, use your mind. A hug from Italy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just a thought Shivani, did it cross your mind that your parents just might understand and that possibly you might not understand, what they now understand? My wife and I had five children who are all grown up now. It is amazing how time passing by clears the illusion of not being understood. One does not appreciate the challenge of guiding children until one actually guides their own children. Time and experience changes our perspectives and allows us to re-evaluate our priorities and even some of our younger conclusions. If they love you, of which I am sure that they do, do not write them off. They have been where you are but you have not been where they are and in all honesty, that sometimes can make a big difference. Just a thought. God’s blessings on you and yours.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I understand what you just said. I did try to tell them but they didn’t understand it. I’m from an Indian society and people here are stigmatised about many things be it anxiety, depression or love. Here people are so involved in culture, societal norms and rule and their image in a society that they don’t even consider some things because things that are not accepted by society won’t be accepted by them. Only 20-30% of Indian parents are open with their children and talk things out with them. More than half of the people here do not try to change and adapt with time. They move on with time with their outdated and rigid mentality. No wonder why India is one of the most depressed countries.

      Like

      1. Thank you Shivani for taking the time to provide me with the background circumstances.That would indeed be difficult but at least you tried. As adults, most of us come to the realization that none of us are perfect, which has a tendency to diminish the “perfect child” concept, sometimes held by parents. I was hoping that would possibly be a point of common acceptance on both your parts, but apparently not. The only thing I can tell you from personal experience is that the mountains you currently see, will eventually diminish to hills and then to mere bumps in the road as time goes by. Don’t lose heart, things can change quicker than you think. Blessings.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. And sometimes, I should have spoken sooner. At 50+, I’ve told my parents a few things minor issues that I had swept away and although, I felt better airing these issues, they didn’t understand. But these issues have all become a part of who I am, I explained, they are a part of me. To me, it’s not them understanding, it’s accepting that they happened and accepting it (dealing with it). I hope some day, that you’re able to talk to your parents when you think they’re ready., everyone needs to heal.

    Liked by 1 person

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