It was a new morning but everything seemed different. The darkness faded away with the night but not from my life. I stood in front of the mirror draping a saree, wearing bangles and applying a bindi and sindoor. Like a newlywed bride, was what I was expected to look like today. A modest smile to adorn my face and a pinch of shyness.
“Is this what I want?” I questioned myself. The wedding was over, the night came to an end and a new dawn rose. But today I did not feel myself anymore. It was a different woman that I saw in the mirror. Today, the morning did not bring happiness and hope on my face. My freedom and independence were snatched away as I found myself in marriage.
“Do I love him?” I asked my heart. It did not reply, neither did it say a yes nor a no. Then I knew, I was not made to be here. I’m just 23, I had a lot of time to explore myself, to explore the world and to start new beginnings every day. But this was not the kind of new beginning I ever dreamt about. This phase was not in my plans. I’m worth much more than just cooking, cleaning and keeping someone I don’t even love happy.
“How did I turn out to be like this?” From an independent woman who always took a stand for herself to being confined within the four walls of the house how did my journey come to an end this way? My journey was not supposed to end. I’ve always been ambitious, I had dreams to fulfil. I had wings to fly in the vast sky which have been cut down by someone I don’t even know well.
I did not just cage myself but also caged my heart and mind from expressing itself to anyone. I caged my happiness, ambitions and dreams for others happiness.