An open letter to my Anxiety.

Dear anxiety,

I was a happy-go-lucky girl before you showed up in my life. I used to be carefree, happy and enjoyed every moment of my life. I look back now and think that I was so much different a year ago when you were not a part of me. Everything was beautiful back then when you did not walk everywhere along with me. But now you’re a burden on my shoulder I’m trying to get rid of.

You along with your friend depression did not only make me mentally weak but physically too. You make my heart feel heavy even at the tiniest of inconvenience. Every little thing makes me worry and overthink because of you. You are like an uninvited guest not ready to leave.

You make my heart race at times when I wake up in the morning and it does not get back to normal until I take a shower. You make my body heat and burn as if I’m high on fever. Every little problem becomes so big due to overthinking because of you. I now worry about things that don’t even exist in the present. I worry about things that I never even used to think about before you walked into my life.

I overthink about my future and ruin my present too. You make me feel worthless. I doubt myself now. I doubt my worth, capabilities, interests and whatnot. You turned me to a quiet person from someone who would not shut her mouth up, dance around in the room singing and always smiling. You turned me from the most sorted and determined girl to the most complicated and difficult to handle girl.

How do you manage to destroy all the happy moments I want to be a part of? There are so many moments I could’ve enjoyed but I couldn’t because of you. I cut myself off from people and keep my feelings to myself thinking that no one would understand. You make me sulk in a corner and cry for hours. There’s no definite time when you hit me. You come at night or in the middle of the day, you come when I’m alone or when I’m in a room full of people. You make me shiver due to nervousness when something I don’t want to happen, happens. You make me gasp for breath when I climb stairs or run. I always feel guilty for no definite reason because of you. You are to be blamed for the way I behave now. I miss the old me.

You make me think about the memories I haven’t thought about in years. You make me go back down the memory lane from years ago and make me realize all my faults. You hit on my insecurities and make me anxious about them. I feel caged in my own thoughts and couldn’t find an escape.

Dear Anxiety, I’m tired of you now. It feels like I’m a part of you instead of you being a part of me. I don’t want you to tear me apart anymore. I’m done with you now and I will never stop trying to get rid of you.

From,

A girl tired of you.